I just got out a 10-month relationship when I found out that my boyfriend had been cheating and lying to me. This post is no way meant to derogate him. It is simply about how I am dealing with it.
We dated for 6 months before
I moved to US. We were too in ‘love’ at the time to call it off, so we gave
long distance a shot. We had our share of fights but I felt like everything was
worth it. He was like my support system. No matter what happened, no matter how
cranky and unreasonable I got, I knew he would have my back. I guess that’s
just how being in love feels. I was so awfully attached to him; I couldn’t
simply imagine what my life would be like without his ‘virtual’ presence.
When I found out he was
cheating on me, it tore me apart. I was so angry and sad at the same time. I
locked myself in the bathroom and cried. It was late at night and I couldn’t
tell my parents because they would say ‘I told you so’ and besides, being an
Indian, I have accepted the fact that my parents are conservative.
I had never experienced
heartbreak before; little did I know how painful it could be. I couldn’t sleep
that night. It gets so hard to believe that someone whom I trust with all my
life could do this to me. It took me that whole night to actually absorb what had
happened. My close friends did console me, but nothing at that point made
sense.
The next day I was furious. I
wanted to take revenge. I wanted him to feel the same way I did. I wanted all
the bad stuff to happen to him.
Eventually, I got out of that
phase as well.
Now, I have reached at point
that I have accepted what has happened. I don’t hate him. He gave me 100000 good
memories and maybe few bad ones. Obviously I wont ever get back with him,
obviously I wont unblock just yet, but what I can do is forgive. Forgiveness
makes me feel better. You cant live in peace by hating the person you once
loved. At least I cant. I don’t know
how long it would actually take to get over someone who you loved with such
intensity, but I guess we have to be patient with ourselves.
Even now, I keep thinking
what he’s up to? Does he think about me? Is he feeling as sad as I am? Does he
get restless and find ways to talk to me?
Even now, everything I see or
do reminds me of him. I get so scared to open my phone gallery because it is
filled with his pictures. It is so difficult for me to see what’s ahead of me.
That’s why I have decided I
am going to live one day at a time.
I am going to stop hating on
him.
I am going to enjoy the good
moments.
I am going to do things I
love.
I am going to love myself.
I am going to be patient with
myself.
I am going get through this.
If you (my ex) ever manage to
read this post, just know I am thankful for all the good times I had with you.
Like I said before, I can’t see myself being happy at this point if I continue
to hate you. Don’t take my vulnerability
as a sign of weakness, and no, I don’t want to get back with you. I just want
to let you know, that what I felt that day when I came to know you cheated on
me was SO WORTH the relationship we had.
And to all those people who
are going through a similar thing, do watch this video. A friend of mine showed
this me and I am so grateful.
