Am I lucky?

Today a close friend of mine pointed out that I am a lucky person. I was confused at this unusual compliment because I always felt that his life was perfect and he was the lucky one not me.

But today when I got home after college, this thought revolved around my mind. I really am lucky. I have a great family, great friends, an amazing dog and financial support that lets me fulfill every want of mine. What more could I ask for?

Sure, I have problems but those too trivial to even think about in comparison to the whole lot of happiness that I’ve been handed over.

No problem in the world is big enough to snatch away your happiness. As long as you have a hand to hold, you can get through anything. And if an ungrateful human like me can realize that, anyone can.

So just have a look at your life from a third person’s perspective and notice how beautiful it is. You might not have everything that you want, but you will have everything that you need, and you will have something that puts a smile on your face.

The World Will Change

If you’re an over thinker like me, you would know how overthinking can get in the way of your happiness.

I, for one, am a really stubborn girl. If my heart gets stuck on something, it is very difficult to get it off it. Similarly, if a negative thought gets inside my head, it occupies an enormous portion me. It constantly prinks me throughout my day and naturally makes me feel low.

I don’t want to sound stuck up, but ever since I came back from The States, things have been different for me. I find myself…. Like an introvert and that’s not something that I was.

These days in particular, I feel exceptionally gloomy because I have exams coming up soon and I don’t get to go out that much. I won’t lie, but I have this phone addiction, which makes me check my Instagram and Snapchat every 1-2 minutes. With the lack of concentration I am neither able to study nor feel productive. This negative feeling builds inside me and any small thing can make me extremely upset.

Today, I feel like I have had enough. It is not healthy for anyone to feel upset like this for long periods for no apparent reason. So, I am actively going to take measures to make my life good again. One cannot simply complain and not do anything.

And lets face it; no one wants to be around someone who is always ‘unhappy’. It’s contagious.

-Be more forgiving: I know it hard to keep the ego aside and forgive someone who has hurt you, but you don’t have to verbally hear them say “I am sorry” to forgive them. You can forgive them by just not holding grudges against them. It is easier said than done, but sometimes we have to get out of our comfort zone and do things that we otherwise wouldn’t.

-Be pro active: A lot of negative thoughts are a result of boredom. But if you are always actively doing something, you will not have a chance to get bored. Don’t just wait for things to happen to you. Be responsible and MAKE things happen. There are tons of things in the world to do. Boredom is psychological. So every time you feel that the dullness is about to hit you, don’t go on Instagram, but go out.

-Be positive: I have noticed, that as human beings we find the need to put others down in order to make ourselves feel better. I do it. Everyone does it. That’s why we  are all guilty of backbiting. It’s human nature. But I say, lets challenge that. Lets talk good about others, lets be helpful, and lets avoid finding faults in people. Because in the end, when we point out flaws, its our own insecurity reflecting. Gradually, when we see only good in others, we will see good in our self. Be positive.

-Be open-minded: A lot of hate exists because of narrow thinking. We all have been victims of being judged wrongly, but at the same time we have judged others wrongly too. Learn to accept. Acceptance makes a better society. So be nice to people around, get out of your comfort zone and make new friends, do new things. And you will realize that there is so much out there in the world that you were unable to see because of your clouded prejudices.

One reason why I wrote all of this down is because writing/typing it out kind of pushes it into my system. I want to be a new person.

Everyone out there who feels similar to what I do, know that you have the power to change how you feel. Once you change the way you see, the world will change in your eyes.

So, today you might feel lonely, unhappy and hopeless and what not, but know, that this feeling will last inside you as long as you want it to.

Change it.

The Right Switch

  It has been exactly five days since I am back to my home country.  Nothing has changed really, except that now I live in another house. But besides that the people are the same; the places look the same, and literally everything is just as it was the day I had left off.

  Naturally, I miss US because I had such great time there. That one-year made me feel like it had been my home all along. I never felt like an outsider. I fit better in that society.

   Being back feels different. Even though everything is the same, I feel changed and that changes everything for me.  I try to not think about how my life was over there because it makes me feel so sad, it makes me miss everything.

But there are certain things that JUST remind me of it. 

   Especially, the bathroom switch.  Fun fact about me: I go to the bathroom at least 80 times a day, no joke. Sometimes, for actually using it and the rest of the times for a casual trip to comb my hair, or just enter and forget what I came for or to take a selfie or just to find peace. My light switch of the bathroom was on my right side, so whenever I entered I would slam the switch with my right hand and the room would light up (obviously). Since I go to the bathroom at least 80 per day, I was now so used to entering and switching on the light that I could do in my sleep. It was so engrained in me to tap the right side of the bathroom wall when I entered.  But now, in house I live, the switch is on the left side. I never really thought about it, I mean who thinks about where switchboard is located?

  Honestly, I try to not think much about what I left behind in US, it will only make me nostalgic and that’s not a very good feeling.  I talk to my friends there very often but we talk about stuff that we are doing or stuff that we planning to do not what we did together in past. It makes it a lot easier to move on. 

  But that switchboard… Every time I enter the bathroom I slam the right side of the wall, feel no switch and then a there is a small reminder in my head that I have come back. I wait for a second till it hits me again and then turn to the left and switch on the light. I have been going through this everyday since 5 days and knowing I go 80 times a day, do the math of how many times I have these reminders. And sometimes it only takes a small reminder to bring back ALL memories.

  Even while writing this, my brain is flooding with them. I remember my last day; I was spending it with my closest friends. It was around 11 in the night and we were looking at each other faces, knowing it would be the last time in years. I wouldn’t be lying when I say that going to US was the best experience I had in my life up till now and I wouldn’t be lying when I say that I met the best people over there, the kind that leave a mark on your heart that no time can fade.

  While most of the time it is HEARTBREAKING to realize that there is no switch on the right side of the wall it is a bittersweet reminder of the time I spent in the US. I hope that I never get used to hitting the switch of the left side without hitting wall on the right first.

It's OK

 Time really does wonders. It can make a rich man poor, a poor man rich, happy people sad, sad people happy, it can turn hate into love and some times love into hate. That’s the best and the worst thing about time, it changes so tirelessly that it makes everything ephemeral.  Especially when it comes down to feelings. No matter how strong and everlasting they may seem, sometimes it fades away…and the process is so slow that you don’t realize how much has changed until you stop flowing with the time and look back.

 My parents met at a party. My dad was a journalist and my mom was a nurse. He offered to drop her home and I guess that was the beginning of everything. 

  They lived in Paris for two years after which my mom got pregnant with me. My dad decided that if we are going be a family, we better have a bigger house. So we moved to a city, a little away from Paris. My dad started his own business and my mom helped him out with that.

  Very soon I was born.

  My parents were really involved with me; they did everything and anything to make my life comfortable. Including marriage! When I was 3 years old my parents celebrated their wedding. I still remember it; it was at Reunion Island in France. I have small memories from that day really clear in my head because it was such a happy day. There were kids throwing flowers everywhere, my parents were beautifully dressed and the location was so mesmerizing. I had the job of walking up to the priest and giving him the wedding ring. I dropped and lost the ring. Hey! I was only 3 years old. We spent like 10 minutes looking for it but nobody could say anything to me because I was a baby. but soon we found it and MY PARENTS WERE MARRIED.

  The after party was at a beach. There were little boats everywhere and everyone was enjoying themselves. Everything was perfect. A Reunion Island superstition is that if it rains on your wedding day, it means good luck. And guess what? It rained!

  I grew up in a small city a little away from Paris. I was a happy child. My parents were happy, the house was always well organized, there was always good food, and just the whole atmosphere was so joyous.

  My parents decided to have another baby when I was 5 years old. My mom had a horrible pregnancy. She was always in pain. We went to the hospital so much. I remember that’s where I spent my 5^th christmas was. I have a photograph of me in the hospital with my Christmas present- a pink castle with a Barbie Doll.

  Once my sister was born, things became like they were. Our small happy family became a little bigger.

  It was when I was 8 years old things began to change. My parents were always screaming and fighting. I always heard them shouting when I was in bed, I never knew the reason, I just knew that things had changed so drastically.

  It was their marriage anniversary one day. My mom had dressed up, made food and decorated the house but my dad just came home and completely ignored everything.

I kept asking him, “ Why don’t you kiss her? Why don’t you kiss her?” and he told me “because I don’t want to”.

                                                   

  We moved around a lot. We shifted to Versailles. At this point there was nothing left between my parents. One day I went to my dad’s office room and asked him if he is going to divorce mom. He said, “ You know Anna, sometimes when two people don’t love each other anymore, they divorce”.

I cried so much that day. I wasn’t very happy with school, I didn’t have many friends and the last thing I wanted was to not have my parents together. I always tried to be a good kid; I got good grades so that I wouldn’t be the reason that my parents separated.

 Now we have moved to The United States, my parents don’t love each other anymore but they are OK.

  Life doesn’t always turn out to be the way you expect it to. I didn’t expect this and I am sure my parents didn’t either. I may not be in the best position in my life right now; I constantly live in the fear that my parents will leave each other. But I guess it’s OK, I rather see them happy separately than unhappy together.

P.S: I have written this on behalf of my friend. This is her life story not mine. I have simply written it in the best way I can.

P.S.S: Thank You Anna for sharing it with me. I love you.

Dear Future Child

This is the second video I have ever made from scratch. I know the editing and the other stuff isn't perfect, but well, still hope y'll like it. 

Dear future child,

You’re most likely going to be adopted because I am too afraid of childbirth. But adopted or not, girl or boy, straight or gay, abled or disabled, you will be loved the same by me. There should and would be nothing in the world that would keep your parent from loving you unconditionally.

When you turn into a teenager, you will probably get frustrated at everything, including me. But I promise I will understand. I will understand when you want your space, I’ll understand when you develop crushes and I’ll understand when you want to have your late nights. You will be raised in such a way that you will keep nothing a secret from me and you will be able to make the best decisions for yourself. Being a teen is a tough, you will get yourself into a lot of mess, trust me you will, I did. But you won’t find yourself alone in any of it. Break up? Cry on my shoulder. Feel fat? Lets go to the gym together. Study problems? We will work on that too. I want you to make your own mistakes. Nothing is big enough that cannot be fixed.

I will never stop you from doing anything that gives you true happiness. I will in fact push you to do it, because if I stop you, you will resent me. And besides, my happiness lies in yours. Just know, I will always be there to advice you but you have to make all your decisions yourself, whether it’s about your sexual orientation or career path. You will never be compared to anyone. I very little experience of life myself. But I know this, that at the end of the day what matters the most is the relationship you have with people. And I want to have the best one with you. With love,

Maulika