It's OK

 Time really does wonders. It can make a rich man poor, a poor man rich, happy people sad, sad people happy, it can turn hate into love and some times love into hate. That’s the best and the worst thing about time, it changes so tirelessly that it makes everything ephemeral.  Especially when it comes down to feelings. No matter how strong and everlasting they may seem, sometimes it fades away…and the process is so slow that you don’t realize how much has changed until you stop flowing with the time and look back.

 My parents met at a party. My dad was a journalist and my mom was a nurse. He offered to drop her home and I guess that was the beginning of everything. 

  They lived in Paris for two years after which my mom got pregnant with me. My dad decided that if we are going be a family, we better have a bigger house. So we moved to a city, a little away from Paris. My dad started his own business and my mom helped him out with that.

  Very soon I was born.

  My parents were really involved with me; they did everything and anything to make my life comfortable. Including marriage! When I was 3 years old my parents celebrated their wedding. I still remember it; it was at Reunion Island in France. I have small memories from that day really clear in my head because it was such a happy day. There were kids throwing flowers everywhere, my parents were beautifully dressed and the location was so mesmerizing. I had the job of walking up to the priest and giving him the wedding ring. I dropped and lost the ring. Hey! I was only 3 years old. We spent like 10 minutes looking for it but nobody could say anything to me because I was a baby. but soon we found it and MY PARENTS WERE MARRIED.

  The after party was at a beach. There were little boats everywhere and everyone was enjoying themselves. Everything was perfect. A Reunion Island superstition is that if it rains on your wedding day, it means good luck. And guess what? It rained!

  I grew up in a small city a little away from Paris. I was a happy child. My parents were happy, the house was always well organized, there was always good food, and just the whole atmosphere was so joyous.

  My parents decided to have another baby when I was 5 years old. My mom had a horrible pregnancy. She was always in pain. We went to the hospital so much. I remember that’s where I spent my 5^th christmas was. I have a photograph of me in the hospital with my Christmas present- a pink castle with a Barbie Doll.

  Once my sister was born, things became like they were. Our small happy family became a little bigger.

  It was when I was 8 years old things began to change. My parents were always screaming and fighting. I always heard them shouting when I was in bed, I never knew the reason, I just knew that things had changed so drastically.

  It was their marriage anniversary one day. My mom had dressed up, made food and decorated the house but my dad just came home and completely ignored everything.

I kept asking him, “ Why don’t you kiss her? Why don’t you kiss her?” and he told me “because I don’t want to”.

                                                   

  We moved around a lot. We shifted to Versailles. At this point there was nothing left between my parents. One day I went to my dad’s office room and asked him if he is going to divorce mom. He said, “ You know Anna, sometimes when two people don’t love each other anymore, they divorce”.

I cried so much that day. I wasn’t very happy with school, I didn’t have many friends and the last thing I wanted was to not have my parents together. I always tried to be a good kid; I got good grades so that I wouldn’t be the reason that my parents separated.

 Now we have moved to The United States, my parents don’t love each other anymore but they are OK.

  Life doesn’t always turn out to be the way you expect it to. I didn’t expect this and I am sure my parents didn’t either. I may not be in the best position in my life right now; I constantly live in the fear that my parents will leave each other. But I guess it’s OK, I rather see them happy separately than unhappy together.

P.S: I have written this on behalf of my friend. This is her life story not mine. I have simply written it in the best way I can.

P.S.S: Thank You Anna for sharing it with me. I love you.

Dear Future Child

This is the second video I have ever made from scratch. I know the editing and the other stuff isn't perfect, but well, still hope y'll like it. 

Dear future child,

You’re most likely going to be adopted because I am too afraid of childbirth. But adopted or not, girl or boy, straight or gay, abled or disabled, you will be loved the same by me. There should and would be nothing in the world that would keep your parent from loving you unconditionally.

When you turn into a teenager, you will probably get frustrated at everything, including me. But I promise I will understand. I will understand when you want your space, I’ll understand when you develop crushes and I’ll understand when you want to have your late nights. You will be raised in such a way that you will keep nothing a secret from me and you will be able to make the best decisions for yourself. Being a teen is a tough, you will get yourself into a lot of mess, trust me you will, I did. But you won’t find yourself alone in any of it. Break up? Cry on my shoulder. Feel fat? Lets go to the gym together. Study problems? We will work on that too. I want you to make your own mistakes. Nothing is big enough that cannot be fixed.

I will never stop you from doing anything that gives you true happiness. I will in fact push you to do it, because if I stop you, you will resent me. And besides, my happiness lies in yours. Just know, I will always be there to advice you but you have to make all your decisions yourself, whether it’s about your sexual orientation or career path. You will never be compared to anyone. I very little experience of life myself. But I know this, that at the end of the day what matters the most is the relationship you have with people. And I want to have the best one with you. With love,

Maulika

Power Of Words

Camp Everytown isn’t a regular camp. Camp Everytown is a world by itself. A world that brings together teenagers and makes them sensitive to issues like racism, sexism, homophobia, disabilities, depression. These are issues that continue to exist in our society and continue to victimize its members. These are issues that contribute to suicides and suffering. 

The objective of Camp Everytown is to break the shackles of prejudices and make the youth  sensitive and better human beings.

I came back from Camp Everytown yesterday and was moved by the experience of it.  I always saw myself as an open-minded individual. But through the journey of the camp I came to a realization that I am harsh and judgmental towards others. Subconsciously/unintentionally I have upset people. And I guess that’s how it is for most of us; we hurt people without even realizing it

In Camp Everytown there were over 80 students. It was pretty exciting for me to meet so many people from different nationalities, sexual orientation, abilities and race. It was an eye-opener for me to be in a place like this, with people so different from me.

The golden rule of the camp was to NOT hangout with people you already know and to get out of your comfort zone and interact with others. Our phones were taken away from us too, which pretty much compelled us to socialize. The more I did it, the more I enjoyed. It was crazy to know that even though I came from a different country, spoke with a different accent, had a different upbringing and came from a very conservative society, I still had so much in common with the other students. Underneath, the color of the skin and everything else, we are all just human beings wanting to be accepted. That’s what Camp Everytown was about.

It was about being okay with the fact that there are homosexual human beings.

It was about being okay with the fact that there are disabled human beings.

It was about being okay with the fact that there are human beings who are different from us.

But in the end what unites us is our need to feel loved and accepted. And everyone should be loved, accepted and respected.

In the Camp we had activates that touched upon the emotionally heavy sujects. People shared their experiences about dealing divorced parents, being bullied in school for being gay, being sexually assaulted, being suicidal, being addicted to drugs, being addicted to cutting themselves. People had gone through so much.

I was grateful, but that wasn’t it. I felt like it was my duty to make or at least try and make someone’s life better. It is impossible to look into tear-filled eyes and not do anything about it. Just a hug can change the way a person feels. We should all have it engrained in our system to nice to people. Smile at them, ask them how they are, and tell them they look pretty.

People HAVE gone through so much that WE don’t even know.

The camp made me realize that we all our very powerful. We have the power of words to affect people. Our words can make a person feel loved but it can also make her/him feel hated.

Next time before you decide to pass on a rude comment or send in hate to anyone, think twice because you will be taking away a part of his/her happiness even if it’s just for a second.

After 4 days of the camp, we were all a family. We became a lot more empathetic and considerate about other’s feelings.  I really didn’t want to go back home because I was having such a great time bonding with these precious people.

I felt like a better person.

I also wrote this post to apologize to people I have hurt, both intentionally and unintentionally. Seeing you in pain wouldn’t make me happy. From this moment on, I am going to try and be a better version of myself.

I hope the readers of this blog post can take away a message from this. It costs nothing to be nice. Do humanity a favor a remove certain words off your dictionary. Because words are power and they can hurt.

Dream

I dream a lot.
 If you ever catch me sitting alone with my earphones on just glaring into space, I would probably be daydreaming. Dreaming about pleasant things. My night dreams have a variety though. In a few of them I’d just keep falling off buildings or cliffs, some of them are about being acelebrity, some of them are meaningful, some are scary and some I forget the second I get up.
 Since the past two and a half weeks I haven’t been going to the gym. I usually come back from school and jump to my bed to take a nap. I have to do this really quickly so that my mom doesn’t lecture me about not getting sleep at night because of the sleeping in the afternoon. This is the time when my ASD (afternoon sleep dream) happens (yeah I made that up). ASD’s are usually about casual things like the stuff I did in school that day or making some awesome- sauce future plans with my friends or about living in a TV show.
 Today I had the best day at school. It was international week so there was tons of food from several different countries. Obviously, I hogged. Since food and sleep compliment each other, I knew what I would be doing once I got home (yes I enjoy stupid, little things).
But today was different. I tucked myself into bed and shut my eyes but kept getting up again and again. It was kind of a sad situation for me because that was my favorite part of the day. I just lay aimlessly hoping time would make the miracle of sleep happen, but alas it did not. At this point I started thinking about stuff and realized I hadn’t removed my lenses. I wondered what would happen if I forget to remove them not just for the afternoon nap but also for the long night sleep. I would probably turn blind or something like that. I started to think about what my life would be like if I were to turn blind. My new camera would be of no use, I wouldn’t enjoy shopping anymore, I wouldn’t be able to see my family anymore, I wouldn’t be able to see people smile, I wouldn’t be able to do most of the things that I enjoy. I was scared. And there sure are blind people living on this planet, dealing with these things that I am so scared to even imagine.
I Feel so lucky to have eyes. This isn’t something I say everyday, not even close to something I would say. But it’s always good to feel grateful for things that you have. Not everyday do I feel so holistic, so this post is about being thankful for two things- my eyes and my mind’s eye that lets me dream.

Don't Let Break Ups Break You

I just got out a 10-month relationship when I found out that my boyfriend had been cheating and lying to me. This post is no way meant to derogate him. It is simply about how I am dealing with it.

We dated for 6 months before I moved to US. We were too in ‘love’ at the time to call it off, so we gave long distance a shot. We had our share of fights but I felt like everything was worth it. He was like my support system. No matter what happened, no matter how cranky and unreasonable I got, I knew he would have my back. I guess that’s just how being in love feels. I was so awfully attached to him; I couldn’t simply imagine what my life would be like without his ‘virtual’ presence.  

When I found out he was cheating on me, it tore me apart. I was so angry and sad at the same time. I locked myself in the bathroom and cried. It was late at night and I couldn’t tell my parents because they would say ‘I told you so’ and besides, being an Indian, I have accepted the fact that my parents are conservative. 

I had never experienced heartbreak before; little did I know how painful it could be. I couldn’t sleep that night. It gets so hard to believe that someone whom I trust with all my life could do this to me. It took me that whole night to actually absorb what had happened. My close friends did console me, but nothing at that point made sense.

The next day I was furious. I wanted to take revenge. I wanted him to feel the same way I did. I wanted all the bad stuff to happen to him. 

Eventually, I got out of that phase as well.

Now, I have reached at point that I have accepted what has happened. I don’t hate him. He gave me 100000 good memories and maybe few bad ones. Obviously I wont ever get back with him, obviously I wont unblock just yet, but what I can do is forgive. Forgiveness makes me feel better. You cant live in peace by hating the person you once loved. At least I cant.  I don’t know how long it would actually take to get over someone who you loved with such intensity, but I guess we have to be patient with ourselves.

Even now, I keep thinking what he’s up to? Does he think about me? Is he feeling as sad as I am? Does he get restless and find ways to talk to me?

Even now, everything I see or do reminds me of him. I get so scared to open my phone gallery because it is filled with his pictures. It is so difficult for me to see what’s ahead of me.

That’s why I have decided I am going to live one day at a time.

I am going to stop hating on him.

I am going to enjoy the good moments.

I am going to do things I love.

I am going to love myself.

I am going to be patient with myself.

I am going get through this.

If you (my ex) ever manage to read this post, just know I am thankful for all the good times I had with you. Like I said before, I can’t see myself being happy at this point if I continue to hate you.  Don’t take my vulnerability as a sign of weakness, and no, I don’t want to get back with you. I just want to let you know, that what I felt that day when I came to know you cheated on me was SO WORTH the relationship we had. 

And to all those people who are going through a similar thing, do watch this video. A friend of mine showed this me and I am so grateful. 

There is so much to be happy about

I have never been so happy in my life as much as I am now.

It’s not like I am partying all day, found my perfect love or getting really awesome marks. It’s just that I see my goal, like I never have before.

People around me are crying due to breakups but all I think about is when will I go to the gym next. I find it extremely funny that at this age, in a very short span of time, how can one get attached to someone so badly? How can you really be happy when you see your happiness in others and not yourself?  

Your life doesn't have to perfect. Your attitude towards it should be. Because no matter what you do, there will always be 2 people who will love you more than you can love yourself. And you will always have 3 people you can call friends.  And you will always have yourself.

I just started college. After literally spending 3 years in a boarding school which was like a jail, this kind of freedom was very unusual for me. The maths of the HSC board is crazy difficult, just bounces above my head. I barely get time to go to the gym, which has lately been the love of my life. But I still don't want to complain. 

I meet new people every day. I work hard every day and my passion for working out only increases. There is nothing more satisfying than discovering your passion. 

After my board exams I got an eight months vacation. Sometimes I look back and regret because in all that time, I didn't do anything concrete. But sometimes I don't. 

I feel like Buddha who achieved enlightenment. Nothing much really matters to me except being happy and satisfied. I have got all the 'answers'. I have got all I wanted.

Many of you won't be able to relate to me. Or think I am such a philosophical fool.  

I got this random fit to write all of this down!